You remember Ese Walter? The lady that was allegedly involved with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA church in a sex scandal. The new gist we have is that Ese Walter is separated from husband Benny Ark, whom she got married to less than a year after the scandal in 2013.
“Ese you look a lot better since the separation…”
At least three people have messaged me with the same content said differently and I thought to respond about that comment.
It is true.
I look a lot better than I did since coming out about the separation.
I think the first reason is because I no longer have to pretend or use silence to keep the truth of the separation.
Another thing is, while married, I felt I had to be certain ways. Sometimes, many times, I compromised even to my own discomfort.
The people pleasing part of me came out fully in marriage. I didn’t trust myself, let alone bosom daddy. I didn’t know what a family was supposed to be and I had times where I didn’t feel like bosom daddy and I were family. It was like there is me and this child I birth, then there’s this man responsible for the pregnancy whom is called husband and we are somehow supposed to live in this four cornered space…. forever?
I could never admit that I didn’t get that. And worse, didn’t want it. Why did I feel choked sometimes? Surely I was the only married woman who didn’t want to see her dear husband so much in a week.
I had to pretend and swallow all of these things I considered weird and wrong of me.
Now… I live alone with my compulsory tenants (bosom ies. That’s short for bosom babies
Being in this space where I can be me. Whatever that means to me, and the many changes that will rise, without worrying about pleasing another person outside myself, is very freeing. Selfish too. (I am a selfish woman)
It gets lonely sometimes but at least this lonely makes sense. The type of lonely I used to experience didn’t make sense. How can you feel lonely when you have a live-in partner?
So yes, I do look better and that’s because I FEEL better about Ese. And I no longer have to hide my uncomfortable truths.
It also helps that bosom daddy and I have been able to build friendship. We used to be good friends before marriage tried to scatter the friendship
We ditched the marriage and kept the friendship. And family
I am happy and content on the inside. This shows on the outside as “looking better.”
Plus, I have activated my vampirism genes. I’m done aging as we know it
Sending love from here