For Primary 5, it is the English Language period. Mr. Nwankpa Eniolorunopa, our English Language teacher enters the class. Tenses, he writes on the blackboard. He turns to us. Pointing at the boy sitting by the window, he asks, “You, what is the past tense of jump?”
“Jumped!” the boy exclaims, as he jumps out of his seat.
Mr. Nwankpa Eniolorunopa calls on another pupil, “You, the past tense of learn is?”
“Learned,” answers the pupil.
A satisfactory smile stirs Mr. Nwankpa Eniolorunopa’s face. But, again, he points at another pupil. “Yes, you, what is the past tense of sing?” Following the thread that is adding ‘ed’ to transform the verb into a past-tense, the pupil, bloating with the pomposity of a boy wearing his father’s babanriga, answers with a chuckle, “singed!”
Singed, past tense of sing? The class explodes with laughs. Quiet! Mr. Nwankpa Eniolorunopa booms. And, tightening his face into a frown, he says, “some of you here, simple English, you cannot spoke!” The uncontrollable outburst of our laughs sends Mr. Nwankpa Eniolorunopa out of the class.
English is not my papa’s language is what the grammatical offender uses to claim justice. Nigerians are, however, very sensitive and mindful of grammatical errors. Once, I was emceeing a show, and I said something like, ladies and gentlemen, we are left with one contestants[sic]. The ‘s’ had accidentally followed the ‘one contestant,’ and even as I retrieved the ‘s’ as fast as I could, the audience didn’t spare me. Sniggering, they would roast my head, until I asked what the fuss was about, having made the correction immediately.
You can’t find an escape around bad English especially when your audience is mainly young people. The hypocrisy is, however, exposed when even these young people (mostly students and graduates) who mock your bad English can’t put few words together to construct a simple sentence. I am in this constituency of Nigerian youths. I read their Facebook posts, tweets, emails, and PMs. I see how some of them can’t differentiate between It’s and Its, between Am and I’m. I see how they struggle with spellings, even when their devices have the auto-correct feature. One of them had written ‘laif is good’ as her PM. I drew her attention to the word wrongly spelt. She smiled and said, no, she was only abbreviating. Amazing how laif, a four letter word, is the possible abbreviation of life, an equally four letter word. I have seen a Facebook post with something like this, ‘today is one year now that I graduate from this school. Typo, you say? Well, after refreshing the page again and again, to see if the post would have been edited, it had only gotten more likes, and congratulatory comments. I almost dropped my comment, “graduate, chai!, simple English, you cannot spoke!”
I am not boasting of a mastery of the language, but, it is sheer mediocrity if, especially graduates, are seen basking in the violation of [basic] grammatical rules. It had since been on record that Nigeria had a first lady with a degree who can’t speak the simplest of English, the official language of Nigeria. This further exposes the rot that is the Nigerian educational system handled by the likes of Mr. Nwakpa Eniolorunopa. A topic for another day, this rot.
When the Waka Music Queen, Salawa Abeni [who didn’t go to school] became the subject of mockery for her poor English at an interview, she shrugged off the shame and went back to [re]learn the basics. Her improvement amazed journalists at subsequent interviews. Meanwhile, the first lady who used to be the wife of an academic, used to be the wife of a Deputy Governor, used to be the wife of a Governor, used to be the wife of a Vice President, has remained unrefined. Chai!
I began to pay serious attention to graduates’ use of English, sometime ago when a friend told me she’s required to sit for a Test of English Language, being a crucial assessment while applying for a Master’s degree in a London school. What annoyed me most was that this friend graduated from a Nigerian university with a major in English Language! I expressed my anger in a Facebook post. Courses in Nigerian schools are taught in English language, so, why are Nigerian graduates tested on English language before considering them for admission into postgraduate class in foreign [mostly UK and USA] schools? Series of comments followed this post. None was convincing enough for me. But, I lost my argument when Professor Remi Raji, Dean, Faculty of Arts, University of Ibadan, dropped his comment. Professor Raji said even in the Nigerian University of Ibadan, candidates seeking admission into postgraduate studies are required to sit for the test of English. Does this, alone, not give the UK universities every reason to test Nigerian graduates on the use of English? How does the Nigerian university doubt the English proficiency of its own product? Prof., in his comment, had complained about how poorly some of these graduates are with the use of English, and gave this as an excuse that necessitated the test. Suffice to say; for every Nigerian graduate, who in every class; from Primary 1 to Primary 6, took English Language as a subject of study, from JSS 1 to SSS 3, took English Language as a subject of study, and while sitting for WAEC/NECO exams, was, on English Language, tested in three ‘solid’ papers (essay, lexis & structure: 100 questions, test of orals: 60 questions), and at the JAMB exam, was, on the Use of English again, tested in 100 questions, and during his/her undergraduate years, took courses on the Use of English (GNS/GST) of at least 6units, and, yet, cannot put few words together to construct a simple sentence in English Language, justifying this inability with English is not my papa’s language, I think is the reason Prof. Raji says, candidates applying to the university’s postgraduate school are expected to undergo a test, yes, on the Use of English!
What, however, broke the camel’s back is this: A few months ago, I stumbled on the admission portal of the prestigious University of Lagos, Nigeria, here. The instruction for the students admitted on merit thusly reads:
For the purposes of registration, each candidates is required to provide 12 passport-sized photographs in addition to the original and four photocopies of the under listed items…
If you cannot find everything wrong with this supposedly simple sentence, you are advised to return to the primary school! And no, I am not seeing the similarity between the prestigious Unilag’s grammatical gbeghen and Mr. Nwakpa Eniolorunopa’s simple English, you cannot spoke!
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