Sometimes I think sex is like a big adorable cat. When you want it to come sit onyour lap, it’s as likely to stalk off and go play with other pets; then later, when you are reading in bed, working or visiting with friends and couldn’t care less, this superciliousand lovely little being will climb up on your stomach and start purring its head off.
Sex can be as arbitrary and can come in at the wrong time as it likes, but it is still the most sinus-clearing, mind blowing and intoxicating experience in the world. Sex is an illuminating and exhilarating act, the source of all lives and all pleasures.
A friend of mine described Sex as “the most respectable and holy thing in all creation, and the most serious act in life”.
Helen Gurley Brown in her book Having it all categorized sex into five kinds Namely; Magic sex, Intimate Comfortable sex, Friendly Sex, Casual sex and Scruffy sex. According to her, Magic sex which is the best of them all happens when you are falling in love.
Intimate Comfortable sex happens with someone you know well and adore – your husband or longtime lover. Friendly Sex happens with someone you know and like but not that special in your life. Casual sex is anything from a one night to three weeks without a future but feels okay; then scruffy sex is with either a new or old lover and you wish you hadn’t.
One can’t help but agree with Helen that Magic sex exists. Having sex with someone you love and adore is magic. The crazy loneliness of being with this one person, remembering between times what you did to each other the last time… There isn’t always enough time to live in this euphoric moment. Every part of each other’s body is an erogenous zone at this moment. You want it to last forever and you want to re-live it again and again.
Well, the news is you can’t experience that incredible magic indefinitely. When people live together, sleep together, work together over the years, sex can be both loving and satisfying but sexual tension which produces magic sex vanishes. Romantic love thrives on suspense, uncertainty, newness, not getting together, craving each other’s presence and not being able to see or be with the other person. All these produce sexual tension. However, over familiarity removes sexual tension.
Can you keep sexual tension alive in your relationship? Maria Zupai of CA diversified Abuja says if he travels a lot, so you are a bit like strangers when you do get together, or if you play games and torment each other, or he or she has other girls or guys and one of you unsure of the other it is possible.
However, it is hard to maintain magic sex with someone you have been married to or living with longer than three years. Just the status of not being married to each other with the longing to spend the rest of your life with this one person is a sex plus and you may be able to maintain the sex craziness for a longer period.
Nevertheless, Doctors Rachel Copelan, Robert Greene and Evelyn Aluya think that spark of passion can be re-kindled and the fire kept burning forever. Rachel says that first and most importantly, communication must not go sour. Then she added that both parties should learn how to love each other. And that attention should be paid to outer course – an average of one hour should be given to outer course before penetration.
Dr. Copelan on the other hand also is of the opinion that researching about sex is a must. She says partners should find out new ways to make sex more sensational. I strongly agree with Rachel. There are always new and better ways of doing it. At every point introduce new things. Variety is the spice of life. When you keep doing one thing same way every time boredom sets in and the interest wanes.
Evelyn Aluya a close friend that I respect in these issues, from her angle advices that we should always see our partner as a “stranger”. What she is saying in essence is that, with a stranger you treat him or her with a lot of respect and try to make the person comfortable. This she says will keep the relationship healthy and will keep over familiarity at bay.
Robert Greene in his Art of Seduction says in a relationship one should take some deliberate steps like mixing pleasure with pain. At some point instigate a quarrel then be nice again. Strategy tested and confirmed. The joy of reconciliation will be like magic. Make up sex becomes so intense and sensational what you experience at this stage is magic sex. The idea of this strategy is that when you are too nice it gets boring. You should however be careful when doing this. Used too frequently can yield negative results.
Another technique according to Greene is introducing absence every once in a while to keep the longing. Take time to travel for a reason, for vacation, a seminar or anything.
The question now is, can these steps work for you to achieve magic sex again and again? Well, I think you have to try. You will never know until you try.
In a nut shell, what all four persons are hitting at is all aimed at keeping over familiarity at bay. Therefore, we should make conscious effort to keep over familiarity at bay for us to achieve a much more satisfying sexual life.
Communicate with your partner. Communication ensures the existence of a healthy relationship. According to Maria Callas, “Communication is the most important thing in life…it is what makes the human predicaments bearable”. During foreplay ask questions such as; what do I do to improve? What do I do to please you? Discover each other’s hot spots and be free to say whatever you want the other to do for you.
Please, don’t be selfish. Indulge your partner when he or she asks. Romantic love thrives on suspense, uncertainty, newness, not getting together, craving each other’s presence and not being able to see or be with the other person at every point and time. Pause and make effort to make sure these are not lacking in your relationship.